Water Cooler Talk

Things just keep bubbling up.

To live in a small community whose three main professions are commercial fishing, gossiping and being the subject of the gossiping, makes for an interesting existance. Don't get me wrong... there are many great people here. Wonderful people who have been a true blessing for a "come here"

come here

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The local term for people who have moved here from elsewhere.

like me. But I have never heard as much gossip and backbiting as I have since moving here.

I have been the subject of the devil's radio

devil's radio

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The title of a George Harrison song about gossip from his "Cloud Nine" album.

Listen to George and friends.

once or twice here, once a totally untrue thing, and another--nobody's business but mine. My first job in town was with a group of guys who went to high school together but never seemed to leave. Grown men whose purpose for work was not for the wages or to promote the company. Their reason for showing up each day was to one up or put down the others. Thank God I got laid off before someone got laid out.

And it apparently is a part of a person's raising, as our children are sometimes pulled into other people's dissing of other people. Friends pit them against friends. And in my children's wisdom they simply keep their peace. They know anything they say can and will be used against them in the court of public school opinion.

There are some benefits to being an import. First, there is no bloodline between me and anyone here. Therefore no long standing feuds, curses, turf wars, or tribal vendetas. Second, I have the advantage of objectivity. I can observe pettiness and drivel and if I dare, I can tell it like it is. And finally, I can choose my friends from the pack. No obligations, no clicks, and absolutely no money back guarantees.

The best advice I can give about gossip is if it isn't about you, don't say it.

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Some Have Entertained Angels...

...without knowing it.(Hebrews 13:2)

Without a doubt I have entertained angels. I've had them rolling in the golden aisles many times. The times of struggle when I forgot that God might just be able to pull things off. The times of frustration and anger when I shook my wee little fist at the immense Being just beyond the sky.

The biggest joke of all seems to be when I'm taking things into my own hands and trying to wrap my plans around the day the Lord has made. This I believe is the reason things rarely, if ever, go as planned. Once in awhile it feels as though God is telling a joke but can't quite get to the punchline. Sometimes I feel like I could teach God a thing or two about delivery and timing. But God and the angels always get the last laugh.

I guess as long as I live I'll keep stumbling into those places between "faith" and "what the heck is going on here". Or is that "a rock" and a "hard place"? Whatever it is, what doesn't kill me keeps my guardian angel busy! Hey, Michael...Gabriel...Raphael! Try not to bust a gut, you might start molting!

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Spyware And The Right To Piracy.

Just who is watching whom?

I got a pop up saying "Spyware has been detected on your computer: click yes to remove." The fact that is was a pop up has me a tad worried. The thing that bothers me here is I'm not sure who is being spied on. As far as I can tell the spy spied the spyware and reported it to me so I can give them permission to spy on the spy that put the spyware in my computer and remove it, possibly to spy on the spy again to see if the spied spy is really gone.



Call me silly but what happens if I don't answer yes?

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When The Moon Caught Up.

Many were the nights I would watch the moon over the Shenandoah

Shenandoah

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The Indian name Shenandoah means "Daughter of the stars."

Mountains on the stretch of road between Baltimore and North Carolina. As a young boy we would travel Interstate 64, traveling from our house to grandma’s, for a summer visit or a Christmas surprise. My Father used to say that I would be asleep before we hit the highway ramp. I have to admit the hum and blip-blip of the tires on the pavement was like a lullabye sung by Morpheus

Morpheus

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Morpheus was the god of dreams in Greek mythology.

himself. Sleep came swiftly for a young boy riding at night. I remember though, waking up in the Mountains on a clear starry night and seeing the moon follow our car. To me it was following me, racing above the trees and darting in and out of the ridges. There was no physics to why the moon was following me

why the moon was following me

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The Moon appears to follow you while driving in a car because it is almost a quarter of a million miles away.

.

But she just was.

There was a calming effect about her as she loomed larger than the mountains. It was as if she were ready to catch us if we came to close to the edge of some of the sheer drop-offs in those ranges. And she was always beautifully there, as we rounded the curve with only her moonbeams

moonbeams

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reaching out like these.

between the guardrail and the hamlet, 2000 feet below.

On one of those long trips she finally caught up. I cannot say it was not a whispering from the sleep god but I know that as we drove through a gap in the ridge one night she broke away and sprang past us with a wink. As I lay in the backseat contemplating the implications of the beautiful flirty racing moon, my father said, “Joey! We’re here.” And it was day.

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Mocked Duck

A Fable of a Duck and a Fish.
This is the story of Mr. Duck who always saw the fish, a speck of silver to be mined from a blue stream. Carefully adjusting his trajectory, Mr. Duck dove blindly into the waters, again and again. He was never really certain of what was beneath the surface of the stream, except for the fish. That he knew was there...swimming, swimming, mocking in his continued freedom. Over and over Mr. Duck would mount up his wings, make the long arch across the sky and zero in on his scaly prey. Not once did Mr. Duck think twice of his fate, for he was sure that no matter how many attempts, if his aim was true he would reap the benefit. In the end there was a busted beak, and a sprained wing, but there was also the reward of the full gizzard.

The Moral: If at fish you don't succeed, fly fly again.

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Hysterical Inaccuracy.

273 years old and still showing his teeth... George Washington Gets Extreme Makeover and a new kind of revisionist history is made. Surely most of us grew up with the stories of our Founding Father cutting down a cherry tree.

The story goes that the wind was howling that day as Washington's powder wig flew to the top of a cherry tree. As he attempted to chop it down, to retrieve his toupee, his aim was a little low as he hit a stone near the root. The impact caused the axe to bounce back and knock out George's front teeth. Running home to his father he said, "Father, I cannot tell a lie. John Adams called you a redcoat, and I punched him out...if you think my teeth look funny you should see John." He and his father then cut down the tree and fashioned wooden dentures for George.

Now these historians and technicians are using modern science and some computer gizmos to change all the wonderful tales of ole' GW. Now he will just be another boring action figure. Sure I'll bet they'll say he was an adventurer, a reckless and wild youth who escaped death many times during battle. They'll say he was an explorer who carved incessantly on everything "George Washington Slept Here". If you ask me he did more sleeping than exploring. It must be an exhausting vocation. And yes, they will say his teeth were not wooden at all, but ivory that when stained looked like wood. Sure... like anyone would stain ivory.

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Happy Presidents Day!!

Who ever wishes anyone a Happy President's Day anyway? And what do you give as a gift? A mattress maybe! Or some furniture...

I spent the day looking for a President's Day gift for my wife. I was immediately in trouble as I didn't really know who her favorite president is. I have to say that Valentine's Day was soooo much easier. I tried to get her a box of president's day chocolate. Were any of the presidents a rabbit?

I went to a flower shop to get her a president's day corsage. All they had for me was a cross with R.I.P. written on it. I thought it might mean "really interesting President" until I remembered my grandfather got one of these on not one of his better days. So I thought to myself, as I often do, "Hey, I'll get her a nice card...” I ran into another dead end there. It seems President's Day is for Presidents, bankers and postal workers only.

Finally I did the next best thing. In my attic in a box marked "memorabilia", I found an old box of blank Christmas cards. On the front was the Madonna and Child, and inside was a blank page on which I wrote, “to my dear wife on President's Day. May your day be filled with Pomp and Circumstance!” To which she replied, "I thought Jesus was a King!"

Well, I know who her favorite king is. I'll be prepared on Three King's Day.

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100 Things About Me.

1. I love the ocean. 2. I have two middle names. 3. I met my wife at Bethany College of Missions. 4. I have 6 kids. 5. My wife was born in Chile. 6. I play guitar and write songs. 7. I dyed my hair once. 8. I was rescued by lifeguards in Delaware. 9. I was rescued by the Coast Guard in Maryland. 10. I like pomegranites. 11. I like asparagus and brussel sprouts (not at the same time). 12. I'm a semi-vegetarian...I only eat 1/2 my vegetables. 13. I am a Brian Wilson fan. 14. I am a Certified Behavioral Analyst. 15. I have degrees in Bible and Counseling. 16. I am a Certified Yoga Instructor. 17. I am in commercial fishing. (Alot of good all that did!) 18. I was one third of a 1980's folk punk band called The Woodsmen. 19. My favorite movie is "Time Bandits". 20. My favorite SNL star is Chevy Chase. 21. The most movies from an SNL star that I own are from Adam Sandler. 22. My favorite one-earred artist is Vincent Van Gogh. I don't have a favorite 2 earred one. 23. My first rock concert was KISS. 24. My favorite rock concert was Talking Heads. 25. I am on not one, not two, but three covers of the Zion Chronicles book series. 26. I once owned a pair of checkered vans. 27. I don't like being barefoot. I don't even like being sock footed. I'm a shoes or slippers man. 28. My favorite color is blue. But I've got a growing affinity for yellow. 29. I catch a decent fish about once every 10 years. (Nothing to brag about!) 30. The Eighties Rocked!(Just my opinion.) 31. The Eighties Sucked!(Also my opinion.) 32. I met The B52's. 33. I met Johnny Cash. 34. I went through grade school in Maryland. 35. I went through high school in North Carolina. 36. I went through college in Minnesota. 37. Soccer was the only school sport I played. 38. James Thurber is my favorite author. 39. I have a published book. 40. I looked like Steve Perry of Journey when I had long hair. 41. I like Journey better now than I did then. 42. I am an INFP! 43. I put a sand shark in a birdbath at Ocean City MD. 44. Yes I discoed! 45. I like Silvertone Guitars! 46. I like to cook and eat seafood! 47. I frequent used bookstores. 48. I am nearsighted and color blind. 49. I worked for Billy Graham, Pat Robertson, and appeared on EWTN. 50. I love to body surf. 51. I was bitten by a brown recluse spider once. 52. I stuck my hand into a mailbox filled with wasps once...only once! 53. I've read "The Divine Comedy" three times. 54. I was called "little swindoll" in Bible college. I guess I could preach. 55. I took a year of Art school. 56. Boxers or Briefs? I'll never tell. 57. I am a Franciscan. 58. My dog is a Lab/ Rotty mix. 59. I have one tattoo...so far. 60. I have never been told I am overqualified for a job. I have felt it though. 61. I have been laid off 4 times. 62. I don't smoke...unless I'm on fire. 63.I am a Scorpio. 64. I saw a UFO once... 65. ...and I have taken ghost pictures. 66. Have you ever dropped a cell phone into a toilet? I have... 67. I live here. 68. I have 2 books in the works. 69. I was a puppeteer in the student film, "The Vowel Murders". 70. The funnest resturant I have ever been to is Joe's Crab Shack. 71. I am moody except when I am not. 72. My 8th grade english teacher got me involved in creative writing. 73. I like to listen to oldies stations from time to time. 74. I wear a Claddagh wedding band. 75. I swear by Pepsi...(no choka-cola!) 76. I hate cherries. 77. I had a boat on the Magothy river. 78. I need a boat now!**as of 06/01/05 I HAVE a boat!!*** 79. My wierdest club experience was the Nina Hagen show at the 930 club. 80. My high school's mascot was a rebel soldier. 81. I used to cruise Lincolnton, NC in a sooped up Pinto! 82. My best friend drove the Pinto into the back of a school bus. Noone was hurt. 83. I used to talk to animals when I was a kid. I think that's why I like St. Francis so much! 84. My favorite shoes are hush puppies! 85. I am perpetually disorganised. 86. What's a budget? 87. I've never broken a bone. 88. I like buffalos. 89. I've been on Nashville's Music Row. 90. I started a Nashville Songwriters Association International workshop in Minneapolis, MN. It is still meeting. 91. I'm do NOT have a bald spot! 92. I've been to two proms, one in NC and one in MD. 93. I took my wife to Canada for dinner once. 94. I could have been shot in the head if I hadn't gotten out of my friend's pick up truck in NC. A drunk redneck shot through the middle of the rear windshield where I had been sitting minutes earlier. 95. I pulled my mini bike out in front of an oncoming motorcycle when I was 12. Noone hurt, not counting my roadrash. 96. God has rescued me on numerous occasions like that. 97. I am now older than my older sister...God rest her soul. 98. I have never sang karaoke...but I might this weekend! 99. I can count my gray hairs on one hand. 100. I can count my children on two...

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